I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
