dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
