apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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