need another drink. this is the easiest way
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
