i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
