so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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