I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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