Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
