I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Congratulations! We have a period
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
