If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
