Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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