Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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