In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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