I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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