I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
