The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You ate ashes out of my bong
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
