how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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