Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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