I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
