i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
