Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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