worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
