I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
