If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
