god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
operation have a gay friend backfired
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
