There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
are you so shy because you have an std?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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