I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In other news, I just burned my penis
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
