Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
