The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You were trust falling into bushes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
