Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
