This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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