If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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