I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
