Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
