Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
