tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
