I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
