remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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