Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
they call him Oral-B. enough said
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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