Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
