Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
