hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
