How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
