I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Say something about gay babies.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
my poor anus
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
