If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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