im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
