I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
