I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
