I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What drink are we having for lunch?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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