There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
